When I committed to go overseas with Adventures In Missions, I had no idea the journey on which God was about to take me.
Someone asked me a few weeks ago; “If you could go back and tell your past self something to prepare you for everything ahead, what would you say?”
Dang. Where would I even start? Would I talk about the disappointment that I would experience over and over again? Would I prepare myself for the anger I would battle? Would I brace myself for all the people I’d begin friendships with but never get to meet and minister alongside? Would I warn myself about all the doubts and questions that would plague my heart?
I didn’t have an answer in that moment, but I thought about it for days afterwards.
Now, it’s only been a few weeks since that question was posed to me, but its been over a year and a half since I started this journey – five hundred and eighty five days to be exact. Time changes us all, and I am no exception!
I think if I were to say anything to my past self, it’d be this: cling to Psalms 130:5. Read it. Pray it. Live it.
This is one of those verses that you read multiple times but doesn’t stand out or hold any depth until it speaks EXACTLY to where you’re at and what you need.
The verse says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits. And in His word I hope.”
Between this and Psalms 46:10 – which says, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.” – I found the key.
Somewhere along the way, my perspective shifted from “when will I ever get to go” to “He knows the desires of my heart and will do with them as He sees fit – and He will be exalted with or without fulfilling those desires.”
THAT was the key…my focus wasn’t on His glory.
This is why I believe He has held me back all this time; because my heart attitude was not where He needed it to be to accomplish whatever He ultimately has in store.
He said no to the Philippines. He said no to Thailand and Malaysia. He said no to Romania and Serbia. He said no to so many of my plans – even plans I created to fill the space in between. For over a year and a half, His answer was no.
And then it was GO!
When the Romania and Serbia trip was cancelled, I was ready to throw in the towel. I was ready to quit, give up and never look back. Out of all the trips I had committed to, the Romania and Serbia cancellation hurt the most. I have wanted to go to Romania for missions since high school and when I signed up for that trip I really thought it would be the one. It just made sense that He would have me wait all that time so I could go to the country that had been on my heart for years! I was even learning the language – and I don’t just mean “hello,” “goodbye,” “my name is Hannah” and “how are you?” No, I was LEARNING the language. I was dreaming in the language and occasionally switching between them while thinking, speaking and writing. I invested ALL of my passion and enthusiasm into that trip. So when the answer was no, I truly believed “I’m just not supposed to minister overseas.”
Then one of my teammates (from the Romania/Serbia trip) told me she was deferring to another 2 month summer trip to Costa Rica and Guatemala and tried persuading me to do the same. At first, I wanted no part of it. It wasn’t what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go, but I also couldn’t convince myself that the Central America trip wasn’t for me. So I prayed. I asked the people closest to me to pray.
The result?
Go…God was telling me to go.
The tables were turned. Now it was MY turn to say yes to God.
It still wasn’t what I wanted, but I realized I wasn’t in a position to ask for things anymore – it was time to obey. Time to submit to Him and His plan. So I did…reluctantly. But as soon as I sent the email requesting to be reassigned, I experienced a sense of peace and reassurance that could only have come from the Holy Spirit.
I was where He wanted me to be.
So that’s where I’m going! Costa Rica. Guatemala. June-July 2021.
Here I am, 585 days and 3 cancelled mission trips later, a very different person but grateful nonetheless.
I don’t know what lies ahead or what God has in store. All I know is that I’m where He wants me to be.
And that’s more than enough.
